Polyamory overlaps somewhat with geek culture, such as cosplay, or the kink world, such as BDSM.
Many couples who become interested in polyamory start by looking for a single, bisexual woman to add to the relationship.
“So he started going to local [BDSM] dungeons and playing with other women. She loved the theater, but she stopped going as much because he thought it was boring and stupid and expensive.”So the couple went poly: “He started dating kinky women.
She ended up hooking up with her old high school friend she found on Facebook, and they enjoyed the theater together.
When I met Jonica Hunter, Sarah Taub, and Michael Rios on a typical weekday afternoon in their tidy duplex in Northern Virginia, a very small part of me worried they might try to convert me. And so are Sarah and whomever she happens to bring home some weekends. Jonica is 27, with close-cropped hair, a pointed chin, and a quiet air.
All three live there together, but they aren’t roommates—they’re lovers. Sarah is 46 and has an Earth Motherly demeanor that put me at relative ease.
“There’s no one way to do polyamory” is a common refrain in “the community.” Polyamory—which literally means “many loves”—can involve any number of people, either cohabiting or not, sometimes all having sex with each other, and sometimes just in couples within the larger group.
Sarah and Michael met 15 years ago when they were both folk singers and active in the polyamorous community.
And polyamorous arrangements are not quite the same as “open relationships” because in polyamory, the third or fourth or fifth partner is just as integral to the relationship as the first two are.
Or, like Sarah, they’re bisexuals trying to fulfill both halves of their sexual identities.
Or they’re long-term couples who don’t happen to think sexual exclusivity is the key to intimacy.
Jonica moved in three years ago after meeting Michael on Ok Cupid.
She describes the arrangement’s appeal as “more intimacy, less rules. The house occasionally plays host to a rotating cast of outside characters, as well—be they friends of the triad or potential love interests.I initially expected the polyamorous people I met to tell me that there were times their relationships made them sick with envy.